Everyone falls victim to complaining every now and again. That’s why “venting” is such a popular pastime! However, if you genuinely believe your life isn’t what it should be, complaining isn’t going to help.
Excessive complaining makes everyone uncomfortable. Think about someone you know who complains a lot. Chances are you try to avoid him – and other people do too. The last thing you want is to be “that guy” – the guy no one wants to talk to, for fear he’ll launch into a complaint rant.
So, what can you do to stop complaining and get your life back on track – instead of letting it control you?
First, you need to understand that complaining is a bad habit – much like biting your nails or picking at a scab; all it does is make things worse. Complaining may even be something you do without thinking, because it’s become such a habitual part of your life.
Many people start complaining because they’ve created a bunch of negative thoughts in their own heads. They realize they’re making their feelings of anger or frustration worse, so they try to get rid of it all by complaining.
Instead of falling victim to those negative thoughts, make a conscious effort to get rid of them. Promise yourself that you’re not going to let some negativity define who you are. Remember, your entire demeanor is based on what you think!
Similar to the way a healthy diet can help your waist line, healthy thoughts can help your demeanor. If you truly want to take control of your life and be happier, you can’t feed your mind negative thoughts. Instead, you have to understand you’re in control of those thoughts – and let them go.
But how do you let things go?
If you’re in the midst of a bunch of negative thoughts, letting them go can seem a whole lot easier said than done. Here’s how you can do it:
– Relax.
Read a book, take a bath, or do anything else that’ll calm you down. If you can’t relax right away, that’s OK. Understand that it took time for you to build up all of these negative thoughts and complaints and it’ll take time for them to go away. As long as you remain dedicated to relaxing, you’ll win the fight!
– Believe in yourself.
You can be your biggest critic or your biggest supporter; the choice is up to you. If you make a mistake, accept responsibility for it and then let it go. If you dwell on it, the negativity and your complaining will never go away.
– Surround yourself with positive things.
The more positivity you’re around, the easier it’ll be to let it naturally become part of your life – instead of always falling back on negativity. If you steer clear of negativity, eventually, all of those bad habits will turn into good ones. Like any addiction, the more you feed your complaining habit, the more it’ll take over your life. For example, if you and a certain friend always get together for drinks and wind up complaining to each other, stop going out for drinks.
– Stop blaming others.
Everyone will place blame on someone else from time to time, but blame isn’t going to make you feel better. Instead, deal with problems and move on. Again, you’ll have to work hard to remove all of the negative feelings.
If you make a serious effort to stop complaining today, you could wind up with a whole new you tomorrow!
Stop Complaining You’re Giving Me a Headache
A recent newsletter article by my associate Annie Lachs had some ideas that I wanted to share with readers. The topic was “complaining.” It’s one of the biggest topics in business today, and it is no less of a problem in non-profit organizations. Workplace complaining results in lost productivity and estimates place it’s cost at between $250 and $300 billion.
Let’s begin with a definition. What is complaining? If you want to stop complaining it does not mean that you cannot give negative feedback when someone deserves it; That is simply making a statement of fact. A complaint is simply a gripe and it is very much based on the individual perceptions of the person who states it. It becomes habitual; people can complain 25 or 30 times a day but complaints are not statements designed to lead to solving a problem. Like office politics or rumors, they are simply said for the personal satisfaction of the person saying them. Complaints play the following functions:
o To get attention or connect with others
o To avoid improving themselves or taking action
o To excuse your own poor performance
o To impress other people with your superiority or observational skill
o To incite others to break or form alliances; gain control
o To build support and power
The real issue is that complaining help employees avoid accountability. Imagine if people would bring you solutions instead of complaints. Complaining allows us to remain fixed on the problem and never get to exploring solutions. You get what you get if you keep doing what you do.
What does it take to break the habit of complaining. Try going “cold turkey” on complaints…21 consecutive days of no complaining. So says Jon Gordon in his book entitled, “The No Complaint Rule”. Instead of complaining Gordon advises the use of three tools:
- Use the “but to positive” strategy which allows you to turn a complaint into a positive thought solution or action. For example, I don’t like my dinner but I am lucky to have food on the table.
- Use “get to” instead of “have to”. For example, change “I have to go to work every day” to “I get to go to work every day so I can live my life”.
- Turn complaints into solutions; focus on solutions.
What else can you do stop complaining? Practice gratitude, praise, and acknowledge the hard work of others, meditate and finally, just let go of the habit. Why not start a “no complaining campaign” at your office.
