Why are we so afraid of failure? I mean, I know I’ve held myself back on account of fear more times than I’d like to admit. But what am I so afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen if I step out and try something? Take a risk? Begin an adventure?
I don’t really like fear. The very first poem I wrote was when I was 13. I wrote it, submitted to the local newspaper in hopes of getting it published, and lo and behold, it was. The poem was titled “What is Fear?” I cannot remember the words, but I generally feared a lot of things back then- even failure.
Fear stifles. It cripples and paralyzes.
But the truth is that “failure” is a noun and it’s subjective. When I realized this, I began to see things differently. Why can Mike, the average guy down the street, jump the hurdles of so-called “failure”, continuing on with great faith and joy in his endeavors? While Jim, the Harvard grad, sit and cry his eyes out when his business only lasts one year, resolving never to try that again?
Did both fail? Well, yes, if we’re defining failure in terms of “things not going as planned”. But how can one guy be cool with it, dust himself off, and get back up and try again and the other guy can’t?
They view failure differently. We want to look at things when they don’t go as planned as “learning opportunities”.
Listen, if you get this, it will change your life.
Do you know that the writer, Agatha Christie, received 500 rejections in her life trying to get books published? She could have sunk her head in shame, feeling like a failure, but she didn’t. She determined to NOT let a rejection (or hurdles in general) keep her down. She learned from her setbacks and kept her hand to the plow. You know what? She sold a freakin’ lot of books!
We see the successful people. Or the happy people. Or the peaceful people. We want what they have, but are we willing to keep the momentum moving forward even when trials come? Even when failures come? Even when all your buddies are laughing at you, mocking you for pursuing your passion?
You’re not a failure. There’s no right or wrong in the grand scheme of things. Whether it takes you one year to hit your mark or five years, it’s alright! Just keep on getting up and doing what you know to do in order to get what you want. If you don’t know what to do, ask for some help! There’s someone who has done what you want to do. There’s probably a lot of people! Get on the phone and reach out. Send an email- whatever you have to do to get the low down.
We’re in this together. Life, I mean.
What do you want? Have you given up on account of a perceived failure?
Commit with me to take the word “failure” out of our vocabulary, K?
Let’s create a good life, enjoying the journey all along the way.
What Makes Us Afraid Of Failure?
There are occasions when fear of failure is a good thing. If I go out one evening and get blitzed, as drunk as a coot, then I hope very much I’d have the sense not to drive my car. That’s fear of failure in its most positive form.
The problem is if you’re well and truly in a rut, and you know perfectly well you should pull yourself out of it, but you’re just too afraid to try to do so.
After all, ‘failure’ comes in different shades of grey. Suppose I study for years for a doctorate in mathematics. For some reason, and much to my disappointment, I fail to attain what I so badly wanted. Yes, all right, I’ve failed to gain my doctorate, but I’ve learned one heck of a lot about mathematics!
And there’s always the next time and all that study I’ve put into my attempt, most certainly hasn’t been a waste.
Probably the ones who really throw the baby out with the bathwater are the perfectionists. For them, there’s no such thing as;
“Well, I almost made it.”
“Just a little more effort, and I think I’ll get there.”
No. For them, they either succeed or they fail. There are no in betweens.
Another reason for fear of failure is the old chestnut, faulty parenting.
“Oh, he’ll never amount to anything.”
If you hear that often enough, you believe it.
One of the most prevalent reasons is that you’re terrified people will laugh at you. In your mind, you see them pointing their fingers at you and saying; “Told you so!” But does it really matter what other people think? Of course not. You’re trying it at least. They aren’t.
Remember, too, that the most successful people are probably the ones who’ve failed the most. Why? Because they’ve tried more than other people. They’ve tried and failed. Picked themselves up and tried again. Failed. This happens until they succeed.
Every time you fail, you learn something. One good trick is to forget all about success or failure. Those words mean nothing. You want to try something? Go for it. See how far you can take it. The only caveat is that you must really love what you’re doing.
I remember watching a programme on T.V. not so long ago, where this expert chef comes in and tries to sort out a failing restaurant. I’m sure you’ve seen it. Well, this particular restaurant ended up failing despite all his efforts, because the owners really weren’t too keen on the business anyway.
Unless you have a passion about what you’re doing, you’re bound to fail. On the other hand, with passion, you’re bound to succeed, even if you fail a dozen times. I remember in England, this chap ran a very successful coach company. Now, he couldn’t read nor write. Someone asked him once how he made such a success of it all.
